April 7, 2019
I have been an English teacher for 21 years. I have always loved to teach students how to write because writing is a process that can help us grow, help us deal with our emotions, and help us gather our thoughts. Sometimes it is not until we sit down to put words together on a computer or on a piece of paper that we can fully grasp what is happening inside our own heads. That’s how it has been for me these last two weeks. I had something in my heart that I needed to get out, but it wasn’t until I sat down at the keyboard that words finally started to flow and make sense.
You see, like a well written essay or story, our lives are in process. A good writer knows that the piece is never actually finished. Even after something has been published, a writer can still go back to make changes. Maybe she learned something new that changed her perspective or she decided to change the audience for which the piece was intended. My students are not confident writers. They are scared of writing because they think they can’t get it perfect. Some of my best writers don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure, but rather write from the heart. I constantly tell them I can always fix their grammar, but I can’t give them their ideas.
One of my best lessons involved Play-Doh (c). I told my students to create something and not to worry about the finished product. They would quickly form something simple, but some of them would take their time and really put their minds to it. After a few minutes, I had them show the people around them what they made and give some feedback. I then instructed them to smash it. The ones who had put the most effort into it had difficulty doing this. Sometimes I had to smash it for them. They were to use the feedback received and the new ideas they saw around them to create something new. They could try to improve the previous design or they could start from scratch. We would go through this process a few times until they all felt good about their finished work.
We are all just like my students. We start doing something one way, maybe because that’s how our parents taught us or maybe it’s just the way we’ve learned to cope, and we get stuck in that way of doing things.
God doesn’t want us to stay stuck. Sometimes the old ways have to be smashed before we realize that God has a better, more abundant way for us. Sometimes the old habits have to be stripped from us until all we have left is to fully depend on God for our strength and comfort.
I didn’t think I was stuck, but looking back I realize I was simply going through the motions of life without really engaging. I maybe still had some pride that needed to be stripped away before I could walk humbly before the Lord. It’s really hard to walk around full of pride when strangers are going through your personal belonging after a flood.
Having my house demolished in a flood, while not ideal, has been an opportunity for a clean slate. I have been able to start from scratch and build my house from the ground up. The outside is still the same, but it has been freshened and refined. I like to think that I have been, too.
On the one-year anniversary of Tad’s death, I took the day off because I knew it would be too hard to be at work. Since I had the time, Jason helped me make arrangements to meet with a contractor to gather bids for the insurance claim. After everyone left, I started to pray as I walked though the house. I was washed in memories as I moved from room to room. I could see us building the baby crib in the nursery, I could see me laying our sweet newborns in the crib, I could see Tad standing at the sink washing his dehydrator after making a batch of jerky. I could see all the way to his last moments as we waited for the ambulance to come. I wasn’t just saying good-bye to a structure, I was saying good-bye to the life I had known for 18 years.
But God is so gracious. He won’t let something be destroyed unless He has something better for us. So I won’t stand in God’s way. I won’t let my own selfish pride keep me from all that he has planned. As Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it . . .” I will build this life on a firm foundation. I will allow God to strip away old habits and rebuild me as He sees necessary for His purpose. I am a blank slate. 1 Peter 5:10 reminds us that, “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”
So, the next time you feel like you are being smashed like a ball of Play-Doh, remember who the potter is and let Him reshape you. “But now, O Lord, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand” (Isaiah 64: 8).
The Sunday Girl 