Want to Hear God Laugh? Tell Him Your Plan.

God’s Plan
Written April 26, 2011
I know that I have free will to make my own choices, but I want my choices to be pleasing to God and use the talents and gifts He has given me. It’s not always easy to know what is pleasing to God, but with quiet reflection and patience, it is possible. This past year has been full of tests and struggles for me, but one of the biggest ones has been deciding whether or not to stay in my current teaching position. I have been teaching for thirteen years and have always thought that it was my calling, but recently I have been struggling to find contentment and fulfillment in my job. I used to jump out of bed every day and think about the students I would impact that day. Lately, however, I have to drag myself out of bed because I don’t feel I am being effective.
I use to feel energized by my student’s youthful exuberance and outlook on life. But now I find myself annoyed by their lack of respect, motivation, and concern for their futures. They live their life like there is always a tomorrow and things can be put off for another day. Part of me envies that carefree attitude, but the other part of me wants to scream, “Don’t you care about the consequences of you actions?”
That must be how God feels when He sees His people struggling with poor decisions. I know I can’t make decisions for other people, but it is so frustrating to watch them make poor decisions. I don’t have that foresight into my own life so I have turned to God for answers. Of course His answers to me do not come in bright, green neon. He is more subtle than that. I had to quietly watch and listen for guidance from Him, but not sit back and let things happen without making a plan. I had a plan; I was determined to quit my job and focus my efforts on writing, thinking I could reach more people that way. My husband was going to start his own jewelry business with a friend in Silver City. I was finally going to be a stay-at-home mom. But God said, “wait daughter; hold off on that decision, I need to prepare you for something.”
I kept trying to move forward anyway. I applied to teach at an online school thinking it would provide added income for my family while allowing me to work from home. I once again put in all in God’s hands: I told God if Tad’s business in Silver City panned out, I would quit; if I got the online job, I would quit; if neither happened, I would stay where I was because God thought that was where I was needed. God once again told me to be patient. Tad finally decided that the jewelry business wasn’t going to happen and decided instead to pursue his own business with the jerky that he loves to make for others.
The day he announced to me he was going to use his 401k to fund his new venture; it wasn’t 30 seconds later that he got a call from the neurologist. Tad had been experiencing pain and cramps in his leg as well as soreness in the back and twitching in his extremities. He had three MRIs, several blood work-ups and a few trips to the neurologist. When he got off the phone with the neurologist, he told me that the doctor said, “It looks like things are pointing to a motor neuron disease.” He immediately got online and found that one form of MND is called ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). It is commonly called Lou Gehrig’s disease. This is a disease that affects the communication from the brain to the nerves and is a rapidly deteriorating and debilitating disease.
Is this why God was making me wait? Did He want to make sure that I was able to focus my attention on my husband instead of be worried about our finances and starting a new career? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers, but I am quietly waiting for the still, small voice to give me wisdom and peace.
I know that my God is a healing God and that even though doctors have “facts”, God has the truth. This past summer when my dad was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, I didn’t accept that fact either. I sought God’s truth. I prayed with my dad and for my dad and waited. The surgeons removed the tumor and, unfortunately, had to give him a colostomy bag, but he is living today cancer free.
It’s only been a month at this point from that dreaded phone call, but I am already witnessing God’s power. My husband and I are closer than ever; we pray together and journal together. The enemy still tries to get us when we are weak, but we are fighting hard and have such a strong support network. We realize that tomorrow isn’t promised to us, but we are still preparing for our future both in this world and the next.